Cruising with the dolphins and whales, Insha Allaah.

I am listening to one of my favorite artists John Lee Hooker while I try to write this piece. Yesterday, I saw the movie Avatar again (on TV), and it really touched me beyond words. Watching Jake Sully move beyond his physical difficulties to do what many with no such difficulties could not do. I loved it.

Yes, Avatar is animated science fiction, but it touched me. I have legs that work, Alhamdhlillaah. Cancer has not defeated me to that extent yet, by Allaah's Grace, and Insha Allaah, never will. I can shuffle around. I am not in a wheelchair except for long distances, that is. My Blessings are many.

Yet, sitting in my chair, heavy legs raised, I loved Jake Sully transcend his situation. Flying through the air, taking it to the enemy, defeating them. That's me, too, Insha Allaah, soon. Swimming right down to it, and defeating my enemy, cancer.

Cancer is a very insidious disease. Its smart. It tries to take over your mind first. It tries to instill doubts into your mind. Having faith and being strong and constant in daily prayer has kept my cancer at bay.

Nights are toughest, when the rest of the world is slumbering and resting. That's when cancer mounts its strongest attack on my mind. It tries to creep in with its doubts. That its already winning, that my treatment is not working. That's when it exerts maximum pain. That when it keeps telling me that there is no hope, that I might as well give up now. I will not, Insha Allaah. My treatment is not by doctors, it is by my Lord, Creator and Cherishor of the Worlds. My Lord cannot be defeated, nor I, as long as I hold fast to Him. Cancer does not know this.

Cancer wins if I give it a chance. During the day, with loved ones around me, its half not so bad, unless I drop my guard. This is because cancer is relentless, there is no day or night for it. Like those humans trying to get unobtanium from Pandora. Continuous attack. No chance. I too am vigilant, day and night. In the skies, on the ground, in the seas, and within my body, Insha Allaah.

So, Alhamdhlillaah for my Blessings. I shall be cruising with the dolphins and whales through the ocean soon, cancer defeated, Insha Allaah.

Flying High - Allaah's Will

As I've been in this fight against cancer for quite a while and winning stage by stage, Alhamdhlillaah, some friends and family members tell me I should blog about my experience. Well, I've decided to have a stab at it. I'll will try to make it as interesting as possible.

First and foremost is Faith! You must trust in Allaah to guide you through this trial.

No wallowing in self pity. If you do, you've already given up. Focus on Allaah, never lose your grip on the link between you and Allaah.

Pray continuously, keep asking day and night, your prayers will be heard and answered.

You must keep mentally strong. Don't let those overly sympathetic people scare you. Never give up on Allaah.

When I first entered the arena, I was tested till my head spun. Then my doctors gave me my treatment options: surgery, radiation, chemotherapy etc etc.

My first line of attack was chemotherapy. Finished cycle one successfully, Alhamdhlillaah. Amongst the many instructions, I was instructed to walk as much as possible. This is where it got really enjoyable.

Walking was very difficult, weak leg muscles, no muscular control, lack of balance. Yet, I did have to learn to move, at least from bed to toilet (no more bedpan!) So, what to do? Then I hit upon the perfect solution. FLY! Yes, Fly.

Like I said its all mental. I could careen small distances, sort of like a flying cockroach that's been sprayed with Mortein. The trick was to master this movement to get from one place to another with as few accidents as possible.

First, I had to adopt a persona, so that I could mentally adopt their moves. My choices were either the Red Baron or the Black Ninja. The Red Baron was cool, his flying stunts astounding. However, too often his plane ended up destroyed riddled with holes while the hero escaped. Not the ideal choice.

As a Black Ninja, I would have seven senses to allow me to react to something before it even happened. That would me from now on, Insha Allaah.

Transforming from the Mortein cockroach to the Black Ninja, I first drew a mental Flight Plan. Start and end destinations clearly identified. Bed to dining table. Flight Plan to be shortest route between the two.

Control my careening through speed and momentum. If I slow down, I lose my balance. And always keep moving till my destination is reached.

Bismillaah, I zoomed off in Black Ninja mode at high speed on my first flight. Did a tilt and a turn through the bedroom door. Who put that sink there!! Tilted right to avoid it. Bumped the dining table and zoomed towards the door. Voices behind, where are you going? Tuned them out except the voice of the Tower, another bump, 180 degree turn and back towards the Tower (a quite angry one at that), safe landing. Only few minor bumps, phew. No more Mortein cockroach.

While I mastered flying I did get a lot of help from my care givers in moving from one place to another. I mastered my flight techniques rapidly and soon was very actively and (gracefully I thought), moving around.

As I look out the window, I see myself gliding gracefully looking down at the trees, soaring above the buildings, enjoying the sun and wind. Awed by the beauty of Allaah's creations. Independence! Liberating. Freedom of the mind, bringing hope and strength. Allaah's Will.

Allaah Bless, everyone.

Allaah is sufficient for me

My Lord is One, there is none other
For He is Allaah, the Originator
Creator, Sustainer, Cherisher
Of the Heavens and Worlds
And all that is within, without,
What worry need I have
What distress need I have
When in Him I completely trust
Unto Him I can always turn
For He has promised us thus
Call unto Me and I shall answer you
Ask Me and I shall grant you
Allaah is sufficient for me
And Allaah knows best.

Miss you I do, dearest Mamma, truly I do

Miss you I do, dearest Mamma, truly I do
Lonely is my journey without you dearest Mamma
Ever by my side in every other you who always were
By my side in every trial every success you who were
In you flew the moment our beloved Fareen was struck
I am here said you and joined her in arduous battle you did
Your strength your courage your care unstinting you gave
Till conquer she did in three long years by Allaah's Grace

Came me next, healthy with you one day abed the next
Outward cheer you showed, worried fretted yet you did
Frailer now, yet giving diligent care for my wellbeing
By my bedside every afternoon, as open my eyes I did
Our time together, just pleasant company not much talk
Missed not a night, before sleep by my side sit you would
My eyes I close, you here by me I see, dearest Mamma
Miss you I do, dearest Mamma, truly I do

Walked as I did following Fareen's path to recovery
Came your phone call well I am not pain in the chest
Fly in tomorrow we will dearest Mamma, check we will fret not
Worry you did fret you did oh to alleviate how we tried
Allaah's Will, it was not to be, as we accept you did
Joined my journey you had, lesser in extent present yet
Years of strength and courage against heart disease you had
Shaken by cancer, for your beloved sister taken it had

A momentary relapse, your battle gear again you donned
Faith, prayer, your indomitable inner strength took over
Aged, yet lion hearted, under another surgeon's knife you slid
Frailer you emerged, bravely my hand on our path you took
Allaah's Divine Plan we His humble servants cannot comprehend
Unto Him Most Merciful Most Beneficent swiftly took you He did
Free of suffering, final prayers you had said, so Supreme His Compassion
Surely to Allaah we belong and unto Him is our return.

Undoubted happier surely you are, in Allaah's Grace, dearest Mamma
Husbandly and filial love, care, in abundance surely I receive
Your love your commentary this journey yet I surely sorely miss
Your wrath suffer would my doctors were you here as well I am not
Accept I do, My Creator's Decree Most Merciful, Most Benevolent
Strength I beg Allaah to soldier on without you, Mamma dearest
Beseech I do Allaah daily, to accept you Mamma unto His Divine Protection
Ya Rabbul A'alameen, grant my beloved Mamma entry into Jannath.
Aameen.

In Thankfulness of Thy Sublime Mercy, Ya Rabbul A'alameen

In Thankfulness of Thy Sublime Mercy, Ya Rabbul A'alameen

In the name of Allaah,
The Most Merciful, the Most Benign
There is no deity save Allaah
The Magnificent, the Clement
There is no deity save Allaah
Lord of the Magnificent Throne
All praise is for Allaah
Lord of the heavens, Lord of the earth
Lord of the Glorious Throne.

Ya Zul-Jalal Wal-Ikram
O Lord of Majesty and Bounty
As I continue my travel on my decreed journey of life
As I face each trial, tread along each path
As I open each gate appearing before me
As I pass through each, one by one
Feeling, healing, I learn, I become aware
Of the Beneficence of Thy Bounties O Most Merciful

Ya Kaafee Ya Shaafee, Ya Mujeeb-ad-da'awaathi
O Sufficer, O Healer, O Answerer of Prayers
By Your Mercy Most Glorious Most Abundant
My afflictions disperse by the wayside
My distress turns into happiness
My fears turn to confidence
Where I could not sit where I lay abed
I now stand I walk through Thine Grace.

Ya Hannaan, Ya Mannaan
O Most Compassionate, O Giver of all good
And I turn my face up to Thee in thankfulness and praise
All praise is to Thee, Ya Zal-manni wal-Ihsaan
O You full of Favors and Benefactions
For Your Mercy gives me life
For Your Compassion gives me good health
For Your Protection lets me go onwards, Ya Kareem

Ya Rahman, Ya Raheem
Bestow Your Blessings on the best of Your Creation Muhammad
And on the progeny of Muhammad and his Companions
Allaahuma maa binaa min niumathin
Faminka la-Illaaha illaa antha
Astaghfiruka wa-athoobu ilaika
O Allaah! Whatever bounties we have are all from Thee
There is no deity except Thee
I beseech Thy forgiveness and turn unto Thee.
Aameen.

A Prayer for Our Beloved Nation

A Prayer for Our Beloved Nation ...

Ya Allaah, Ya Zul-Jalal Wal-Ikram
Lord of Majesty and Bounty
There is no god but Allaah
Lord of Grace, the Clement
There is no God but Allaah
Lord of the Great Kingdom and Supremacy
All praise is for Allaah
Originator of the Heavens and the Earth

Ya Allaah Ya Rahmaan Ya Raheem
25 years gone, our people still divided, bitter, vengeful
Enemies galore, aided abetted, within without
Our martyrs who fell in our stalwart defence
Their sacrifices remembered but not honored
With deed or reconciliation or unifying love for nation
Private vendettas, fitna, mistrust, reign supreme
Our people are weary, our new generations being destroyed

Ya Raziqal Bashari
O Nourisher of Mankind
Ya Muqaddira Kulli Qadarin
O Ordainer of every destiny
Ya Raheemal Abaraati
O Grace that takes pity on our tears
Ya Muqeelal Asaraati
O You that raises from the pitfalls

Rabbana atina min ladunka rahmatan wahayyi lana min amrina rashadan
"Our Lord! Bestow on us mercy from Yourself, and facilitate for us our affair in the right way!"

A Prayer For Insaaf and A'dl

Ya Allaah, Ya Zul-Jalal Wal-Ikram

Lord of Majesty and Bounty

There is no god but Allaah

The Great, the Clement

There is no God but Allaah

The Lord of Grace, the Supreme

All praise is for Allaah

Originator of the heavens and the earth

Ya Allaah, Ya Hakeem

I entrust my affairs to Thee

Surely Thou sees Thy servants

I depend on Thy Favor, Thy Generosity

Thou art the most Generous, the most Just

I ask for Thine Blessings upon my father

I beg Thee to make manifest what is truth

And what is conjured by evil doers

For Thou art the best of all to lay open the truth

Therefore judge Thou between him and them

And deliver him from their imprisonment

Ya Allaah, Ya Muhaymin

I ask Thee to take him under Thine Protection

Make him not a trial for the evil doing folk

Save as by Thine Mercy, Ya Khabeer

Help him against those who deny the truth

I ask Thee for Thy Justice, to give him Insaaf and A'dl

Against the evil doers, the unjust, the corrupt

Verily Thou art Allaah, Knower of the secret, the manifest

Only Thou wilt judge between Thy servants 

As to that wherein they differ

Ya Allaah, Ya A'lim, I seek refuge in Thee

Lest I ask of Thee aught whereof I have no knowledge

Unless Thou forgives me and have mercy upon me

I shall be of those who are ruined

Ya Allaah, Ya A'dl, all praise is for Thee

Lord of the Worlds, the Best of Judges

Glory be to Thee, besides Thou there is none

There is no injustice in Thy judgement

No unfairness in Thy disposal of our affairs

You are alone the Almighty, the truly Wise

Verily you have power over all things

Rabbi h'ukmu bil h'aqq.